Words of Encouragement.

"Hey is she asleep?" "Hey Jess you up? Yeah she out. Whats up Matt?" He has definitely had too much to drink, I can hear it in his voice. People speak the truth when they don't think anyone is listening. This night didn't turn out as I had planned. Jess is asleep on my lap after a long night of drinking and self destructive talk and now Matt is opening up to me since the liquor has loosened his lips.
"You know the only reason I wanted to join the Marines is because I had a self suicide wish. I have nothing going for me here. Everything I do, nothing."
Why is he telling me this? I think because I'm just here.
"I've been there. I was contemplating going for a while because I needed something in my life that was going to work out. Some focus." I don't know what to tell him. He's obviously reached that point where he wants to talk about life and its many disappointments. He needs words of encouragement. I'm not the right person for this at the moment. He's still talking. He's telling me his life story. "We grew up together, gunshot to the head, September 15, 2010. If I could take his place I would." "I'm sorry," I say softly. I don't have words to make untimely death sound better. "Life isn't fair Matty, I'm so sorry. You know the beautiful thing about life is that it is so fragile. Thats why you cant spend your time thinking about all the bad and focus on the hope that things have to improve at some point. Not because of luck or karma, but just because eventually they have to."
I am trying to convince him of this as much as i try to convince myself. We are sitting in the dark so i cant see him but i can hear him sniffing. He's crying. I get up and find my way to a tissue box and toss it on his bed. "What's this for," he asks. "I heard you sniffling. Its okay." "I have allergies," he lies. "Okay. Well you still need tissues for allergies." If hes going to try and pretend he's fine then i wont embarrass him. He continues to talk. I must admit I'm not really listening. I'm thinking of him again. He's been on my mind for days. Thats why I've been numbing my thoughts with drinks. I've been thinking of him...