Thursday, June 14, 2012

Whos bed is this?

This is the last bed I want to wake up in. These are the last lips I wish to kiss. Sometimes life doesn't work out that way but I hope, to whatever God is listening, that this time I do get what I want. The smell of cigarettes and sex linger in the air and have been lingering on my clothes from the moment we met.

"Look over there," I say to Jess. I point past all the drunken frat looking bros and my gaze settled on him. Tattoos, nose piercing, a kind face and a cigarette. Just what I needed. "I want that one," I say as I walk past her into the party. 
"Can I have a light?" I say with my coyest of smiles. I see his eyes take me in and linger on where my tight jeans and ripped shirt expose my pale skin. "Sure," he says as he extends his lighter. I lean in long enough to let it burn and turn away without another word. Let him wonder.
Jessica is smiling at me when I approach her because she already knows my cat and mouse game. She waves her hand at me, "I need a light too." "Fuck, I have to ask again?" I laugh. "You know I cant walk up to people like you," she says with a grin and a push in his direction. I sauntered my way over again, pretending to be interested in what was around me. He's looking straight at me and his friend is now too. He knows what I want. "First one is free is," he says with a smile, "Second one you got to light yourself." I laughed out loud at this point, at the fact that a total stranger, a totally my type stranger, just challenged me. "My name is Paulina, by the way," I say with a confident flick of the lighter and deep inhale. "I'm Wesley," he says. Wesley. What a lovely name. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Oh it's been a while.

He likes me but he likes drugs too. I shouldn't even say too, I should say more because it's true. The life of an addict is an emotional paranoia filled roller coaster. It starts like your first high. Spreading through your body with such intensity that it unsettles you. You allow yourself to be pulled in and overwhelmed to escape your reality. Unknowingly you walk into a hellish prison of addiction. You spend days together. No sleep, just obsessive need for the other. Then when you can't take it anymore you run away and cleanse yourself till your craving comes back. You miss the warmth of the body. You miss the distraction of your misery. The life of an addict is like a black hole. It's a cycle that just gets deeper and darker until you disappear completely.