19.

Ive never laughed so much or cried so hard or been so stressed or had such a crazy good time all in once. I've never felt so free or felt so caged in as i have at 19. Im going to miss everything that i've gained and lost this year. I'm just gonna miss all of it. So much change with this new year for me.
Im going to miss us, all of us. Although I could see the past playing out in entirely different ways, as a mother, a bestfriend, a girlfriend, or even in a coffin, I am glad that this is the way it all turned out. Having to learn on my own what Life can throw at you, what i can survive, or what i need help with.
Its almost as though my life began at 19. That very first day on September 8. It all begun and all began to unravel. A month would go by, one a time, with so much much drastic change. It was as though i was experienceing an entire lifes worth of challenges.
There are a few moments that i look back and recall how speechless I am towards them. Oh the things i would tell myself if i could. So I will.
To the girl who fell in love so quickly and hopeful, "Dont change, it was never a mistake."
To the girl who chose friendship over herself, "Never again care for those who will NEVER put you first. Love them and believe them, but never their excuses. They will always find an excuse."
To the girl who saw in him what he did not, "Be prepared to have to be on your toes your entire life if you plan on staying. He doesnt even know or love himself, you wont be able to either."
To the girl who made the choice, "I know it was hard but you should of kept the baby. Doing it alone is better than living with the constant regret."
To the girl who tried to take her life, "It will get better, i promise.."

19 years old and so much to say. But its mostly goodbye now to the people and problems of the past. But I feel free and its a beautiful thing.