Falling Slowly.

I don’t know what to do. I’m on the verge of an... I don’t know what. I am quite restless. My mind is under immense pressure and my heart feels like it’s going to burst forth through my chest. My hands are shaking and I can’t keep focus on anything long enough to be productive. There are not proper words to define the gravitas of this feeling. Overwhelming? No. Anything said feels like an overdramatized childish outburst. It’s more of a struggle of suppression. A break that I’m fighting. The wall I have built has long since worn down from the years of turmoil that have plagued my heart. The water has broken through and poured out into uncaring hands. Thoughts are like water, a force that can’t be contained. The more you try to grasp on the faster it runs out and away through your fingertips. I am reaching out, I am reaching reaching. For what, I don’t know. I am a blind man stumbling in a dark room looking for a black cat. Pointless challenges that just make every daily task so much more complex. I live for the challenge but there is only so long I can cross this desert alone without some small oasis of relief where I can take shelter in for a while. I want the oasis. I've seen the waters but I must have imagined it all. I must have imagined. I’m trapped in a hopeless situation that just cycles from explanation to exasperation to questions.
I feel like if I’m not moving forward I will spontaneously combust. I need to enkindle and arouse what has been inactive in me so long. My old acquaintances no longer hold any sort of happy sentiment. They no longer hold me up but they hold me down. If I stay like this I will surly exsanguinate my mind and my passion. My original design left abandoned.
What am I to think of it all, for I am not to know?
Am I to lockdown?
I’m fully submerged in you but it seems the vibe is wrong. So I try to swim away but it’s like a trying to fight a vortex. So I don’t fight it. I refuse to live in denial of myself. Change will happen. You can fight it and it will happen regardless. Like an avalanche, change will swallow you if you don’t accept it and prepare for it.  I can’t wait for life. I've realize I’m only wasting time if I stay here glued down to the ground. I've broken free. I was blind but now I see and I will make the most of it. With open arms and open eyes.

“Only god knows if I’ll be with you. Baby I’m confused. You choose.
Where I want to go I don’t need you, I’ve been down this road to many times before I’m not loving you the way I wanted to, so keep your love lockdown.”